As I experience the last week of my thirties, I find myself in a reflective state, in between fits of decluttering my house and agonizing over how my skin can still look like a teenager's, but not in a flattering way.
I remember how, the last week of my twenties, I was so nervous to turn thirty, as my twenties, to put it mildly, were not easy.
I don't feel nervous now. I'm looking forward to the next decade, because just as the cliche states, like a fine wine, things get better with age.
My life is so full now. After years/decades of struggle, I feel that I have found my niche in this crazy world. I have found my people. I have found my calling. The point I find myself at is a good one.
There is one little area of my life that I do feel is lacking is that I do not have children yet.
Having children is something I have struggled with, for a long time. For a while I did not want them, as I doubted my ability to parent well, especially a daughter.
While the idea of parenthood still scares me, it doesn't scare me enough to not want to become a mother, in whatever way the Lord sees fit to make me one.
I just hope I haven't waited too long, but I don't have a crystal ball to predict that.
However, I do have lots of little people in my life that I get to love on, which has me wanting to write down a list of things/bits of wisdom I hope to teach my future children, especially a daughter. I look at my nieces and hope that by the time they're nearing 40, women are treated differently in the United States, but again, that crystal ball isn't handy.
So, without further babbling, here is what I wish I had known earlier in life and I hope that my nieces, honorary and related by blood, figure out a lot earlier than I did. (note: I realize the my life experiences have been colored by bullying and growing up fat. I also do not claim to be an expert and realize that there are plenty of women who never would have needed a list such as this. I am no expert nor do I claim to be one on anything, but feel compelled to share this)
1. Do what makes you happy. It might not be what everyone else is doing, but if it makes you happy, then that is what you need to be doing.
2. Money is not everything.
3. Money might not be everything, but debt is bad. Some debt is unavoidable, like mortgages, student loans, car loans. However no free t-shirt is worth getting a credit card. Especially when you are in college.
4. However, if you do get in debt, it's not the end of the world. It's not an unsolvable problem.
5. No matter how big a problem may seem, 99.9% of the time, there is a solution.
6. It is okay to show your feelings. If you get mad, be mad. If you're happy, be happy. And if you're sad, it's okay to be sad and cry if you need to.
7. Try to not compare yourself to others.
8. Makeup is not a necessity. It is okay to not wear any.
9. Good skincare is a necessity
10. Always use sunscreen
11. Once you start dyeing your hair, it may be impossible to return to your natural color.
12. Few things in life are worth a premium price. I don't skimp on toilet paper. I pay someone to dye my hair, as I've turned it orange and pink. You'll figure out what you think is worth the money
13. Coupons are worth the hassle
14. Everything eventually goes on sale. Hesitate to pay full price
15. When you create your personal email address, remember that you'll be using this thing for years potentially. As tempting as it may be to create one that's magicalunicornprincess69@gmail.com, go boring. It'll save you the trouble of creating one that's more professional when it's time to apply to jobs/school
16. You can't outwit your genes
17. If people tease you, it's because they are insecure
18. It hurts to be teased. It's okay to acknowledge that
19. Forgiveness is not always necessary, but it feels a lot better to forgive than to harbor a grudge
20. Food is not bad. It's okay to eat a piece of pizza. It's okay to eat ice cream.
21. it's okay to weigh more than others. We are all different
22. Your weight does not determine your worth. The number on the scale or on a size tag is not a judgment of you
23. Be kind to yourself
24. It's okay to have days when you wallow. If you have multiple days in a row where all you want to do is wallow, get help
25. Asking for help is not weakness. Even Jesus needed help.
26. You do not have to get married to have a successful life
27. You do not have to have children if you do not want to have them
28. You don't have to go to college straight from high school.
29. It might take you a while to figure out what you want to do as a profession. Take the time that you need.
30. Sometimes those career aptitude tests are right. When I took one at 18, it told me to be a librarian. 11 years later, I finally listened.
31. Some times things do not happen for a reason.
32. Have a hobby. Being able to keep yourself entertained is invaluable
33. You don't always have to have the answer or the last word
34. Don't hide who you are from the world because you're scared since you have been bullied for being yourself.
35. When you find your people, you'll know. It is the people that are there when your world comes crashing down and when you're having the time of your life
36. It takes courage to choose kindness. Be courageous more often than not
37. Having a vagina does not mean that you are not worthy of respect.
38. The world will try to label you. Don't believe those labels
39. Stand up for what you believe in
40. Sing in the car/shower/wherever you want. Listen to the music you like. It's okay if it's not what everyone else listens to. If you enjoy it, blast it.
41. Just because someone is pretty on the outside does not make them pretty on the inside. Get to know someone before you deem them ugly, as I've learned that some of the prettiest people I've ever met turn out to be rotten on the inside. And the most beautiful people I know, well, the outside doesn't always match the inside
I could keep going on, but that's enough for now.
Just 4 days left of my 39th year. I plan to enjoy them thoroughly, just as I plan to enjoy my forties.
Life is just too damn good to not enjoy it. And that's the biggest lesson I wish to impart.
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