I'm gonna pick up the pieces and build a Lego house... If things go wrong we can knock it down

Once upon a time, I looked like this:

I don't look like that anymore.

Was I happier that way? I'm still trying to figure out the answer to that one.

All I know is that I spend a lot of time beating myself up because that woman is once again buried. Part of me wants her to see the light again, for health reasons. For vanity.

For now, I just look at the pictures of this woman and remember that I once thought fitting into a size 8 would solve so many troubles for me. All it did in the end was create new ones.

So, I look at her/me and wonder what it would be like to be that small again, with the knowledge I have now. I'd like to think it would be better. It would be easier to be her now than it was then.

I just now need to decide how much I want to know what it would be like to be that size again. To starve myself down to that slight figure.