I've tried to avoid labels, but they always find you

One thing that I looked forward to the most about my weight loss surgery was that afterwards, after I had lost enough weight, I would be able to stop buying queen-sized pantyhose.

I just wanted to be able to grab a pair that was labelled size b. That's it. I knew the odds of me fitting into the smallest size, a, were negligible.

But a pair of pantyhose that wasn't queen sized--that was my shallow dream.

I don't know why I obsessed over it so, but the day I could stroll into Target and get my size b pantyhose, I was going to dance my way to the checkout.

Here's the thing--even after losing as much weight as I have, even after being able to wear size 8 jeans and buy size medium shirts, I can not buy size b pantyhose.

It's almost as insulting as still being classified as overweight on the BMI scale.

I can see daylight between my thighs. Why can't those thighs be encased in size b pantyhose????

I take after my father is why.

I've gotten so many traits from the man--stubbornness, love of animals, love of true crime, love of word games...the list goes on.

I also got his build. His build that made him the perfect football player.

I also got the hips of my Ukrainian peasant relatives.

I also have the butt you can balance tea trays on.

All of these things combined, plus my height and well, according to L'eggs and Hanes Her Way, I'm still queen sized.

Yet, I have come to a realization.

There are worse things to be labelled than queen.

And if I am meant to wear queen sized pantyhose, then so be it.

I will be a queen. I will wear that label with pride.

After all, who really cares what size pantyhose one wears?

Accepting that there are things that will never change, no matter how hard I try, well, that's the key to me maintaining some form of sanity, no matter how tenuous it may be.

The other day, I finally wore my cowboy boots again. The ones that had gotten me mocked in the grocery store a few years ago.

I saw some folks on the street giving me a look.

I choose to believe they were admiring my style, rather than thinking they were silently mocking me for my cowboy boots.

Because it is exhausting to worry about appearance all the time. I am tired of obsessing over the number on the size label in my jeans. I am tired of trying on tops over and over again, because the letter on the tag makes me pause, because I don't believe it.

I just want to get dressed, use my lint roller to rid myself of the dog hair and go about my day.

And the only thing stopping me from this 99% of the time is me.

Not just because of size, but because I worry if the shirt I thought had black is actually deep navy blue. I worry that my glasses don't complement my ensemble. I worry over things that really do not matter in the long run.

One thing I am definitely giving myself permission to stop worrying over is the fact that I get to be a queen when it comes to hosiery.

Because there once was a time that not even queen sized pantyhose was big enough for me.

And now it fits me comfortably.

So, I will be a queen.

For as i said before, there are worse things I can be.