I ain't settling for anything less than everything

The concept of settling has been on my mind a lot lately.

I don't want to paint this picture that my weight loss surgery has been the impetus for all of this change in my life. Losing weight has not been some magic pill that I swallowed that made my life some glorious cycle of song, in which I dance about in fields of wildflowers, with puppies, kittens and unicorns joining me as rainbows streak across the sky.

The hoops I had to jump through in order to qualify for surgery showed me how unwilling I was to settle for methods of weight loss that had failed me in the past.

There are days I wish I could just count points through Weight Watchers or microwave yet another Jenny Craig frozen dinner.

I could have kept joining Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig, and continue the cycle of abuse I was putting my body through. It was damaging my metabolism to repeatedly lose and then regain weight. It was damaging to my psyche to keep repeating that cycle.

Those methods work for other people and I am happy for them.

Outside of weight loss, I also realize just how much I was settling in other areas of my life. I was settling for people that did not bring joy to my life. I was settling for connections that were not supportive. I was settling for relationships that were not healthy for me. I was settling for the nonexistent comfort that I thought food provided me. I was settling for a life that had this unfathomable void in it. I was settling into just existing. I was settling for being numb.

I still can't pinpoint the exact moment I decided it was time to stop settling. It may have been the moment I realized just how frustrated I was with my life. It may have been the moment I felt like I kept running into the same brick wall every time I felt I was getting some momentum in my life. It might have been realizing I was having the same damn conversations during my therapy sessions because although I was trying to grow and change, I was self-sabotaging myself, because I kept repeating the same behavior.

Or it might have been the moment I realized that although I felt like I had been ignored by him for years, God was there. He had never left me.

I have stopped trying to figure out why my relationship with God has finally improved during this season of my life. I don't need the answer. I am content with the knowledge that I am loved by Him. And that I am finally secure in that knowledge.

And my faith in Him may very well be the impetus I needed to stop settling.

My life has been changing since I have welcomed God and Jesus back into my life.

I no longer settle for relationship with people that don't bring joy into my life.

I have been developing relationships that are supportive.

I am rarely tempted to comfort myself with food. I will always struggle with this urge, yet the desire to indulge is less than it has ever been.

My life no longer has this void in it. It is full and continues to expand, due to my faith in God. Due to my love of God. Jesus and God have spoken to me and I have finally allowed myself to hear them.

I am no longer settling for a life lived without faith. And that is what has made the biggest difference in my life. Not my shrinking dress size.