Just a couple of kooks

Confession: I've never been a fan of other women.

I don't have any concrete reason as to why I was this way, but I just never felt the need to surround myself with a horde of female friends. I had a select few I was friends with and that was it.

A lot of times, any relationship I formed with a woman felt competitive. It also didn't feel genuine. I had female friends I talked a lot with, but we didn't have much of substance that we talked about.

At times, I felt overly criticized by these friends, for how they would comment on the way I dressed, make fun of my clothing/shoe choices, my ineptitude at flirting, my love of reading, my love of knitting, my love of writing, my love of staying home, my laugh...I even got criticized for my vocabulary, as I was informed by one of these girls that I used too many big words and it made her feel dumb, so I needed to stop.

So, being the damaged flower that I was for so long, I closed myself off to most of these women and focused on the handful of females in my life that accepted me for who I was.

Around the time I decided to pursue weight loss surgery, I got nervous about the fact that the women I relied on in my life were not local, but I figured that's why I had unlimited texting. Plus, I was so used to not being able to rely on many people that I laughed off my nervousness. I knew I could do this all on my own anyway.

However, a few months after I started the long process of getting approved for surgery, things changed. I was still a relative newcomer to Charlotte. Although I had a couple of friends I spent time with, I knew I needed to meet more people. Plus, I have a bossy therapist who told me that as well.

One of the great loves of my life is knitting. So, as all single 30-something year old females who move to a major metropolitan area do, I decided to find some knitters.

I started casing local yarn shops. As a yarn connoisseur, I am picky about where I'll go to even fondle skeins. I narrowed down the list to three shops and ventured out.

The first one was okay, but not great. I found some knitters, but I didn't feel welcome to join them.

The other one I went to just wasn't a place I could see myself hanging out. Or shopping in, so off the list.

The third store is where I found my knitting home. I had had high hopes for it, as I knew from my research that they carried two of my favorite brands of yarn. I walked in on a dreary Saturday in July and was greeted by one of the owners, who led me around the shop to show me where the yarns were. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a large group of women and a couple of men knitting.

As I fondled some gorgeous sock yarn, the owner pointed out the group and said they they were there every weekend, plus two weeknights. She then said to me "They might try to kidnap you. They have a habit of adopting newbies." I sort of chuckled, figuring that they wouldn't want me, as I am not good with new people.

Fortunately, I was proven wrong. That group of knitters made me feel so at ease that day that my normal weirdness when interacting with strangers was toned down. Or they were kind enough to ignore it. Or they just didn't care. They somehow knew I was one of their people.

Over a year later, thanks to that first interaction, I have found myself in a tribe of women. And I love my tribe fiercely.

I thought I was content with my introverted lifestyle, not socializing much. It was okay with me if my phone never beeped with new text messages. Or so I thought.

However, once more, I have been proven wrong. My life is so much fuller and richer than it was before I found these women.

These women support me. These women tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. These woman make me laugh so hard I snort and cry. These women listen to me. These women love my crazy dogs. The time I spend with them is invaluable to me. Our conversations have substance.

I do not know where I would be without them. I am so glad I let them in, as it took me a while to do that. It took me a while to trust them. And they still put up with me.

I truly believe God led me to these women, as once I stopped fighting God, my relationship with these women deepened. The fellowship I experience with them soothes and simultaneously feeds my soul. I do not think it coincidental that most of the tribe also has a strong relationship with God.

Again, I have gained so much more than I have lost in the past ten months.

Yes, the majority of the tribe are either knitters or hookers. That is what brought us together originally, but the tribe is so much more than a knitting group. I thank the Lord that I learned how to knit and embraced it, as my love of knitting led me to these wonderful women.

And without their support, the void I used to fill with food would still be there.

Thanks to the bond I have with these women, I have gotten braver about reaching out to other women I want to befriend. I am no longer so scared that I will be rejected. And if I am am, I'm okay with it, because I have my people. I have God.

I no longer need to soothe myself with food because I no longer feel so alone. I have said I do not know what I ever did to deserve these wonderful people in my life that I get to call friends, but I know it was God's plan for me.