All this time I was finding myself and I didn't know I was lost

I have just one week left before I turn 38.

I can't believe it has almost been a year since my last birthday.

There have been so many changes in my life in the past 358 days that it seems like more than a year has passed.

One thing is certain. I have loved the past 358 days with all of my heart.

Yes, there were things that happened that hurt my heart, such as losing my beloved Elsie the labradoodle.

Yet, I now have a new nephew, the scrumdiddlyumptious Elliott John.

I have found a church home, something that has brought me so much joy and peace that I can't believe I haven't been a member there for my entire life.

I have new friends in my life, yet somehow, they feel like old friends.

Relationships have deepened with other friends.

And others have shown to me that they are no longer worthy of being called my friend.

I thank God for the grace he granted me by showing me when it was time to say enough and walk away.

That is not a skill I have always had in my life.

But the past 358 have brought me so much change. So much growth. So much healing.

I am curious to see what 38 will bring. I can't imagine it topping 37.

And I laugh at myself, as when I turned 37, I wanted a boring year, with no significant changes, as my life had been in a near constant state of flux since July 2013, when I accepted my job in the Charlotte area

Thank the Lord for unanswered prayers

And as I sit here, reflecting on the past year, I know without doubt that I am one lucky woman.

I have riches that I didn't even dream of possessing. My life is so full now.

As my pastor preached one Sunday, God will not fix anyone's past. He can't fix yesterday.

These truths, as hard as they were to hear that Sunday, they were needed to be heard by me that day.

As in my life, there has been so much pain. There have been so many times I could have just said "I give up" and killed myself. I certainly attempted slow suicide with my laundry list of addictions and self abuse.

Yet, here I am, getting ready to celebrate the start of my 38th year of life, when I used to think I would not live past 25.

And I am letting go of the past disappointments. The pain. I find the more i let go of my secrets, the more I tear down my walls, the lighter I feel.

Becoming true to myself for the first time in 37 years has been an incredible experience.

Putting myself first. Saying no when I really mean no. Practicing self care. Unburdening my heart when I can't carry the load myself anymore.

I like myself so much better now then I did 358 days ago. And I see that relationship continuing and growing stronger daily.

So, I am excited to see what 38 will bring. And every year after that.